Isn’t it strange that as human beings we sometimes can’t feel good about things when they are going well. I guess I have been through so much within the past 6 weeks that now that things are holding their own, I am waiting for the bomb to drop.
I really have to let this go. It is so important to appreciate the moment and what you have, because that is really all that you truly have – yesterday is gone and tomorrow we can only speculate about. Making the most of the moment, of the time you have with people you care about and trying to keep the noise in your brain from taking you somewhere else is so important. If only I could get better than that.
I think we really hit the jackpot with my mom’s meds. She is still as clear as a bell and has been that way since last Friday (the longest run so far). We have discontinued some meds, but we are keeping an eye on that. For example, we have discontinued my mothers lasix (I diuretic that assists the body in releasing fluids). Since then, we’ve noticed that her left foot is slightly swollen. That is not a big deal, but we need to monitor it and if it gets worse, we may need to consider reinstating the drug.
I had a great conversation with mom this morning. And she is so enjoying my aunt being here. It has been such a gift for her and I am so glad that she is enough in the here and now to enjoy it. So, that is what I should focus on and count each day as a blessing. It is hard when you feel like you have this ominous thing hanging over your head. But I will continue to try.