When You Don’t Have A Mom On Mother’s Day…

Mother’s Day, another Hallmark holiday but one most people regard as a valid reason to celebrate. In this world who is better to honor than mom? Mom, the woman who gave birth to you, Mom, the woman who cleaned up your bodily messes, Mom, the woman who comforted you when you hurt yourself, Mom, the woman who gave you unconditional love. No one and I mean no one can ever take the place of your mom.

So how do you ever explain to someone what it’s like when she’s gone. You kid yourself into believing that your mom is invincible, that she will always be there for you, that although other moms may die she will be the one to avoid the clutches of the grim reaper. And then it happens. You no longer have a mother. The loss is indescribable.

Mom's last pictureIt’s been over five years since my mother passed away and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. She died seven years after my father and now I am an orphan and will never again know in my lifetime the unconditional love of a parent. Over time it gets easier to deal with but it never gets easier to accept. And then you are faced with a choice.  You can either crawl into that coffin with her or live your life the way she would have wanted. I choose the latter.

And yet, there is a part of me that unequivocally knows she is still with me. To this day, whenever I ask her for help or guidance she answers me. I remember when I was flying back from Florida after her funeral feeling lost and scared. I closed my eyes and felt her hand on my shoulder. I jumped in my seat, no one was physically there, but I knew it was her.  Not long after she died I remember asking her for a sign that she was ok, that there was something more than this mere existence. I turned on the radio and the song that immediately started playing was Celine Dion’s “I’m Your Angel”. If you listen to the words they actually intimate that there is a higher power watching over you, but I knew in that instance that it was my mom speaking directly to me. The words of that song still haunt me: “I’ll be your cloud up in the sky, I’ll be your shoulder when you cry, I’ll hear your voices when you call me, I am your angel.” I had to pull off to the side of the road I was crying so hard, tears of sorrow and comfort.

There have been countless other times that I have asked for help, and I try not to impose on my mother’s auspices too often, but when I do she has never ever failed me. “Mom, we’ve worked so hard on this Fourth of July event and now right before the fireworks are about to start some rain drops are falling. Please mom, intercede for us and stop the rain”.  The rain stops.  “Mom, the pharmacist is not sure they have this medicine in stock and I really need it to help combat this rash, it’s driving me nuts.” Mrs. Geden I am happy to inform you that we have the medicine is in stock. “Mom, my husband has to have cancer surgery, please let them get it all out.” Mrs. Geden, your husband is in recovery and we’re happy to let you know we got it all, the surrounding tissue is completely clean. Over and over she has answered my prayers.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that her unconditional love lives on. And although I know that she can only do so much, up to this point it has been 100%.  I think at the onset she hit it hard because she knew how skeptical I would be about all this kind of stuff and she wanted to drive home the point that yes, there is something above and beyond this life and yes, I may not be there physically but my spirit will always be with you. I hear you mom, loud and clear!

So as you celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend, cherish that wonderful woman that you still have. She has made the ultimate sacrifices for you, she loves you beyond measure and she needs to know how much you love her while she’s here and not when she’s gone. I am forever grateful that the very last words my mother and I said to each other were “I love you”, and today especially that love continues on. Happy Mothers Day, Mom!

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