In a conversation with a friend of mine today, I was reminded that I need to try to keep my life as uncomplicated as possible because it ain’t over yet. I know it’s true. Right now it seems to toggle between issues with my mom or issues with Nick.
First, let me advise all of you – get long term care insurance. I got the bill for two months of my mother’s care – to the tune of $11,000. I need to check with the nursing facility to see if they put in a claim to my mom’s long term care insurance. The thing with her policy is that is has what is called a 90 day elimination period. What that basically means is the first 90 days is on her and then after that she has 3 years of paid benefits amounting to $145/day for her care.
It may be that all of her care has not amounted to the 90 day elimination period – but I want to make sure every avenue has been pursued before I pay that bill.
So today, I put in a full day of work and everything went along rather smoothly. After dinner this evening, my cell phone rings and it is the nursing facility calling. Apparently my mom’s legs gave out when she was being transferred from the commode back to the bed. This happened a few weeks ago as well- one of her legs gave out. This time both of her legs gave out and the aide had to lower her to the floor and get help to get her back to the bed. In speaking to the nurse, we agreed that from now on two people should be involved in transferring my mom out of bed to either the commode or to the chair in her room.
So, I called my mom and when I said, "So I heard your legs gave out – she began to cry" – she told me that she thought she was having a heart attack and when I asked her what a heart attack had to to with her legs giving out – she said she did not know. But she was really upset that this time it was both of her legs instead of just one of them. She said when her legs gave out it surprised the aide and that she lowered her to the floor but the aide hurt her under her arms while doing it. She said she began to cry right away and that upset the aide, but that she told the aide it was not her fault. She alluded to me that she feels that she is experiencing changes, but when I remained quiet to see if she would elaborate on what changes she meant – she just dropped the subject.
So, although an uneventful day at work and an uneventful day with Nick, we ended the day with a "blip" involving my mother.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a bad dream and that I can’t wake up. Dealing with insurance companies, monitoring all the bills (and there are many and the benefits can be confusing), monitoring my mother’s care, taking Nick to his doctor’s appointments (a nurse’s visit tomorrow and an appointment with his PCP on Monday followed by rescheduling his surgery), dealing with the insurance company for Nick’s car (which the adjuster totalled today) – which will mean at some point the thought of pursuing another car – closing down my mother’s apartment, working my full time job – yada, yada, yada – that’s the dream that feels that I can’t wake up from.
And yet there is a part of me that knows that are others that have it much worse than me – I am at least getting some breaks in the action. The key for me is focus – focus on just one day at a time – and truly sticking to that. It all doesn not have to be handled in a day, and it all does not have to be handled by me.
So, mom needed me today – Nick need’s me tomorrow and who knows what will happen next. Thanks for listening.