The memorial service was on Tuesday – it was great and it was hard and definitely more meaningful (at least to me) than her funeral because this is was at the nursing home where she spent the last 5 months of her life and her caregivers and friends from her apartment building were able to attend.
We played her music – we shared memories, we prayed and we had chocolate cake (of course) and the book was closed.
As for me, as you can well imagine, the book is not closed and I am struggling but know that eventually this will all come to some kind of acceptance and meaning and I will go on. I force myself to do things (like Christmas shopping which for anyone who knows me knows that this has never been a chore in my entire life) knowing that she wants me to move on. But, (and I know this sounds dramatic) you question the meaning of your life and how to move on, and those answers have not come yet – I don’t suppose they will for a while.
I am taking about 10 days off during the holidays. I need some time where I can do and be without schedules and plans – and then move on into the next year.
There will be no one happier than me when 2007 arrives for 2006 will probably go down in my mind as the worst year of my life. So, if that is the case, there is no way to go but up – right?
I’m not sure what I will do with this site – it was so dedicated to mom and her journey, and her journey – at least on this earth – has ended. I need to think about that to – but anticipate that I will continue with blogs that take me and us in a whole different direction – I am just not sure what that will mean.
So, as we enter the last week before Christmas – Happy Holidays to all and remember to hug those you love for tomorrow is not given to any of us. There is a part of me that is looking forward to Christmas – so thank you mom – you continue to give me gifts.